Think of me as your Exhorter-in-Chief. What right do I have, you ask, to tell anyone how to be a better father?
Absolutely none whatsoever.
Truth is, most nights I go to bed feeling like a failure. Like I didn’t give my children enough of my time that day. Like I wasn’t patient enough, present enough, wise enough, fun enough, forgiving enough. Sometimes those ruminations result in a game plan for doing better the following day. Other times they end in despair as I drift off to sleep, praying that my children will turn out okay in spite of me.
So if you’re looking for advice from a dad who’s got his household running smoothly, and who has no doubts in the dark of night, you’d best move along. Just be sure you’ve got yourself together enough to put that other father’s advice into practice. Because that’s where most of us get hung up—we know what we should be doing, but we don’t know how to do it. How to muster the energy for it, day after day. How to bridge the divide between our present ineptitude and the competence we crave. How to be like those fathers who seem to have it all figured out.
And if that’s who you are (it’s certainly who I am), then maybe you have come to the right place. Stick around for a few minutes and see.
Right, so about me. My name is Tony Woodlief. I have seven children—six living, one who passed away when she was three years old. I’ve been divorced, and now I’m remarried. All of my living children are sons—four with my first wife, two (twins!) with my present wife. To say that I have a messy life would be an understatement. I’ve made just about every mistake a husband and father can make. I’ve even written about some of them elsewhere.
(I suppose this is the time to tell you that if you want to know more about my life, children, and possibly offensive political and religious views, you can find plenty of links to my essays, stories, and books at my author website —but please know that Intentional Fathering is not designed to sell you on my beliefs about anything, other than how to conquer some practical steps that will make us all better dads. Conservative, liberal, Christian, Muslim, atheist, Steelers fan—none of that matters to me. You are welcome here, if you’re committed, like me, to becoming a better father.)
Maybe this is the most pertinent part of an About Me section: I am not a perfect father. Some days I am not even a good father. I am filled with weakness and regret. But I believe I can do better, by focusing on small habits that, when faithfully practiced, can yield big changes in a life. How do I know? Because I used to be a lot worse. And because I’ve talked with many fathers who have followed the same path of transformation, investing in habits that have changed their lives.
So while I’m hoping the habits and resources on this site are helpful to you, I guess maybe I’ve put this together just as much for my own family, as for you, in order to focus my own scarce attention, while there’s still time, on the most important calling I’ll ever have, which is to train up my children, as the Bible says, in the way they should go.
Finally, if you get anything useful out of these resources, or if you find anything objectionable, or (best of all) if you have ideas on how to improve it, I hope you’ll email me.